Am I in love with two people?

You say you'd take a bullet for them both but I think your problem is, what if you had to choose who you were more loyal to. Obviously it should be your husband. A pen pal, no matter how verbally intimate, is someone you can project a lot of your desires into. Of course your husband, whose mere flesh and blood you're daily acquainted with, can't match up to that. But don't feel guilty if you have dreams about the friend - if he wasn't there, you'd still have desires and fantasies that your husband can't fulfill. It's up to you, not men or any one man, to see that your emotional needs are met. Don't take your desire for your friend so seriously. Real life intimacy is gritty and difficult, but it's infinitely more meaningful than any fantasy. I think you should try harder to channel most of your giving feelings towards the guy who is physically sharing your actual life and putting up with you day to day, so to speak, and if you still get some emotional needs met with your friend just be okay with it.